It’s A New Year

This year, some of my favorite bloggers came out about their depression. Admitting something like depression- and in one blogger’s case, self-harm- takes a ton- a literal TON- of courage. To say ‘my life isn’t perfect’ takes a ton of courage. I started the year off crying myself to sleep every night, because something wasn’t… right in my marriage. Something was wrong, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I had contemplated asking my husband to leave- but I knew that whatever was wrong, could be fixed. He didn’t see things the same way, and on January 14th, he asked for a divorce.

So, basically, I started 2011 miserable. It sucked. It sucked great big hairy donkey balls. But… it got better.

I found the strength inside me to move on. I wrote my heart out in a pen and paper journal, because I couldn’t bare to write my feelings out in public on a blog. I had a hard enough time coming out with those feelings to my husband, when he found that journal and read it.

I barely remember January 14th 2011. I remember standing in the middle of my dining room, crying ‘nononono’ over and over again. I remember spending the day, cleaning and rearranging my room in a fog. I remember- and this I find rather funny, in a sad sort of way, having a conversation with the guy at the DMV. We’re both from the same town, and we were talking about the 2010 tornado that hit our town. I remember him saying that his wife was sitting out on the patio. It’s silly, but we don’t choose our memories.

I didn’t realize how bad I was until after Mike left and I started to heal. I don’t blame him- I really don’t. I started to get on with my life, still holding on to a little bit of hope that things would work out for the better between us, but I looked for a job, I spent time with my kids, I worked out a routine, I found myself again.

I got a job in March. And I fell in love with it. I love my job, I’m good at my job, and I have fun at my job.

In June, I had a date. We’ll leave it at that.

Life has gotten better. I have high hopes for 2012. It hasn’t started off any better than 2011, but I know, based on 2011’s experiences, that no matter what happens, I will survive, it will be okay.



About fallyn96

mother. queen of the house. likes sparkly stuff because sparkly stuff is boy repellent. especially if it's pink sparkly stuff. View all posts by fallyn96

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