I checked my email the other day (just like I do, every day, in case someone out there remembers that I exist and chooses to send me something. Believe it or not, that does happen. Like today, my sister sent me the same joke email that my mom sent me, which I had read a few years ago. But nevermind how often it has shown up in my email, because my sister sent me mail! And it was awesome!) and sitting there, looking all innocent was a Twitter email.
Someone was following me.
Now- I have a few followers, even though I don’t post at twitter (i seriously joined so that I could try to win an iPod from Post Secret). Those followers that I have are either bots or people who want to boost their followers by following people like lil ole me. I figured that this was one of them… until I realized that I recognized the name. I know this person. Or rather knew this person.
And it brought back some memories that I had moved on from. 10 years ago, I joined a mailing list for people due in the same month that I was (and holy cow- those babies are all turning 10 this year!). A couple years ago, this mailing list dropped me because (I’m assuming, since nobody bothered to email me and tell me) I didn’t post all that often anymore. And, really, I have a life outside my computer (Mike begs to differ, but oh well). I got a little angry, but then figured- meh. No big deal, you can’t change how people see you when you’re only form of communication is through email, etc, and moved on. Until I got an email from a member of the group about a month later, asking me to donate/send gifts to another member who was having a baby. Um- no. If I’m not good enough for the group, then my money isn’t good enough, either.
I did the big girl thing, and ignored it (after ranting to dh about it, of course). I figured that it was probably a slip- the woman that sent it never struck me as greedy. I moved on with my life.
There were times when I’d wonder how they were doing, how their kids were, etc. Usually at Christmas and in March, because Christmas was when I’d get a christmas card (haven’t gotten one since), March was our due month. Since I received no cards or anything from them, I simply figured that I had dropped out of their thoughts, and shrugged. I mean, seriously? What can you do? These were people who were members of a mailing list. They were friends as far as they could be friends.
So you can imagine my surprise when I realized that the person following me was one of the ladies on that mailing list. And I’ll admit it- I kinda got excited. I considered emailing her, to see how things were going… and then I remembered reading some emails concerning me and whether or not they should keep me on the list. Some of the things said were, well, hurtful. I don’t remember what this one person said, she may not have said anything at all. But I don’t want this stuff to get back to the group- I don’t want to be fodder for a group of people who don’t know me. That is why I’ve put off posting this for awhile, especially considering what happened to Evan earlier this week (he broke his nose falling off the top bunk. He’s fine, but looks like someone went at him with a 2×4).
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I don’t want this to affect what I post on my blog. If she finds the blog through Twitter (it’s possible- my twitter id is my blog name), then she finds the blog through twitter. I refuse to censor myself and my feelings because I’m trying to impress a group of people who don’t know me.
And just now I realized how self centered that sounded. *sigh* I’m not really self centered, but I honestly think that this is why I haven’t posted on the blog lately. Not just this twitter follower, but the fact that there are family members who do read the blog (hi sis!), and I hate knowing that people are reading what I’m writing. I love it when they look at things I draw, things I make, but hate it when they look at things I write.
So now I’ve decided that I’m just going to write and post what I want, and stop worrying that people are judging me and laughing at me.
Oh, and yes, Evan did break his nose. It was one of the scariest nights of my life, but he’s fine and I’m teaching him to say ‘if you think this is bad, you should see the other guy!’