In August, right around the time that I started this little blog, while walking into my parents’ living room, I kicked the heavy thing that holds my parents’ DirectTV box and DVD collection and Wii things. I ended up breaking my right pinky toe, and limping around for a few weeks. The toe was swollen, and misshapen, and purple. It hurt like a mo fo, and I got plenty of gasps and oh-my-gosh-what-is-that-freaky-purple-blob-attached-to-your-foots.
But Mike scoffed. To him, it wasn’t broken. Sprained? Yes. But broken? No. Not broken, and therefore, not worthy of appropriate sympathetic looks and cuddles and as such, he did not wait on me hand and foot like he should have (because we all know that it’s all about me, people. all.about.me).
Last night, Mike calls me on his way home from work and he says ‘I broke my toe.’
Now, the appropriate sympathetic response to this is ‘omg! you poor thing! Can you walk? Here, put your foot up, let me grab you a Mike’s Hard Lemonade…’ My actual response?
‘It’s not broken.’
He told me that his first thought when it happened wasn’t ‘Fuck, that hurts’, but ‘Fuck, I’m not going to hear the end of this one.’ Because he’s right. It’s true. I broke my toe, he scoffed. He breaks his toe, and well- karma’s a bitch. Now, I’m not going to go off the deep end- I know that it hurts, and I know the pain he is in, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to baby him.
So far, this is the gift that keeps right on giving. This morning, we talked about how he’d have to file an incident report, because he can’t wear his dress shoes. He’s wearing his Cubs crocs. To work. With his shirt and tie and nice pants. Part of the incident report is a drug test.
So I got to spend some time this morning teasing him about his drug addictions (relax, he’s not on drugs). And laughing at him wearing crocs with his work clothes.
The lesson learned today? If your wife tells you that she has broken her toe, you should serve her breakfast, commiserate with her, and most definitely- don’t tell her that it’s not broken.
Because karma will come and bite you in the ass.